There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
