Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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