she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
