would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
