someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize