and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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