Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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