Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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