I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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