if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found your dick twin last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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