I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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