How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
