The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
