Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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