He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
