also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
