They should really pass out barf bags in church
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dicks are not precious.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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