I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
