Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
