Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
