So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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