You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
