Duck Duck Cougar?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
