Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
