so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize