Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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