the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
