rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
operation harelip BJ is a go
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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