Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
