You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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