24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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