So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
