WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
