Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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