so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
