Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
