Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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