He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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