I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
