I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
