I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize