Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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