I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
