Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
