I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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