Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
