Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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