i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
