I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
