Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
