i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
