Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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