if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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