her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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