when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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