Do vagina's smell?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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