i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
