I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
