I cannot find my penis.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
