community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
