Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
