Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my phone needs a breathalizer
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
