Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
