I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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