Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
