So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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