Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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