i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
