I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
