You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
