i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
