Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
